Understanding Trauma
Trauma isn’t defined by the event itself. It’s defined by what happened inside us, and what our mind, body and nervous system had to do to cope. Two people can go through the same experience and be affected very differently. Neither response is wrong.
Trauma can touch more than our thoughts. It can shape how our body holds tension, how we connect with others, and how we see ourselves.
How trauma can show up
Because trauma is held in the whole person, it doesn’t always look the way we expect.
It may show up as:
In the body: tight shoulders or jaw, headaches, stomach upsets, fatigue, trouble sleeping, or feeling constantly “wired” or constantly drained.
In emotions: sudden waves of anger, sadness or anxiety, or feeling flat and numb.
In relationships: finding it hard to trust, feeling safer at a distance, or holding on tightly for fear of losing people.
In how we see ourselves: self-blame, shame, or a quiet belief that something is wrong with us.
Many people live with these experiences for years without connecting them to anything in their past. That’s very common, and it doesn’t mean you’re imagining it.
What is a trauma response?
Trauma responses are the nervous system’s attempts to keep us safe. They are not flaws or weaknesses.
They may look like:
Fight: irritability, anger, needing control.
Flight: anxiety, busyness, perfectionism, avoidance.
Freeze: feeling numb, stuck, foggy or disconnected.
Fawn: people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, putting others’ needs first.
Most of us move between these depending on the situation, and none of them is a personal failing. These responses often made sense at the time. They may stay switched on long after the danger has passed.
When the nervous system stays on alert
When we feel safe, our nervous system can move flexibly between activity and rest. We can feel stress, then settle again. After overwhelming or prolonged experiences, the nervous system can become stuck in survival mode, either on high alert or shut down.
This is why “just relax” or “just get over it” rarely works. Safety isn’t something we can think our way into. It’s something the body needs to experience, slowly, in its own time, and often in the presence of people and environments that feel steady and kind.
Asking yourself: “What does fear do to me?”
It’s a question worth asking gently:
What does my body do when I feel unsafe?
How do I act when I feel afraid, and who do I become?
What do I need in those moments?
There are no right or wrong answers. Simply noticing is a form of care.
What does fear do to a child?
Children don’t have the words, so fear often shows up in behaviour and the body: clinginess, meltdowns, withdrawal, sleep difficulties, stomach aches, or being constantly “on alert”. A child who is struggling isn’t being “naughty” or “very shy”. They may be asking, in the only way they know how, “Am I safe?”
What helps most is a calm, predictable adult, routines they can rely on, and room to express feelings through play, movement and creativity, not only through talking.
Some common misunderstandings
“It wasn’t that bad, so it can’t be trauma.” There’s no hierarchy of suffering. What matters is the impact on you.
“I should be over it by now.” Healing has no deadline.
“If I’m functioning, I’m fine.” Many people cope by staying capable and busy, sometimes at a cost to their rest, relationships and wellbeing.
“Trauma is only about big, single events.” It can also build over time through ongoing stress, instability, or experiences of not feeling safe or seen.
What is trauma-informed practice? (My approach)
For me, it means asking “What happened to you?” rather than “What’s wrong with you?”
Trauma-informed practice draws on the work of many researchers and practitioners, including Dr Bruce Perry and Pete Walker.
Not everyone who comes to see me is on a trauma recovery or healing journey. Many people come simply to rest, pause, or experience a sound meditation, Reiki or SoulNat or what to come for a session to connect with their family and friends and that is always welcome. If trauma recovery is part of your path, I will support you as much as you would like and as far as my role allows. Either way, my approach stays the same: you are in charge of what you share and what you explore.
In my practice, that looks like:
Safety first: you set the pace.
Choice: you can say yes, no, or “not today” at any point.
Strengths-based: I see your resilience, not just your pain.
Collaboration: I walk alongside you; I don’t fix or direct.
Transparency: you’ll always know what to expect.
My sessions are not a replacement for psychological or medical care. Where it would help, I’m happy to talk with you about other supports that may suit you alongside our work together.
Moving forward
Recovery is not a straight line, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. You are not broken, and the cycle of fear and instability can be interrupted. Safety, choice and connection are where that begins.
If something in this post stirred up difficult feelings, please be kind with yourself and reach out to someone you trust. If you need support right now, these services are available across Australia:
Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7)
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 (24/7, family and domestic violence and sexual assault)
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (24/7, ages 5 to 25)
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Next in this series: How trauma lives in the body, our relationships and our sense of self.
Be gentle with yourself. You are doing more than you know.
Jessica
Disclaimer: This post is general information and is not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. Sessions at Blüte are complementary and are not a replacement for professional mental health care.
